Conrad Zimmerman
New Podtoid Cast Member
Pimp-Daddy Conrad small
Role Cast Member
Date Joined 27 June 2012
First episode Podtoid 207: Art Games

New Podtoid Host. Master of the Moustache. Definite Pimp-daddy. Formerly lived in Oregon (sharing an apartment with Jordan Devore), he now resides in New York City. He has been described as "the guy that looks like he might kill everybody." Conrad first appeared as a guest on Podtoid 121: Double Down Dragon, and joined as a regular cast member in Podtoid 207: Art Games. He left Podtoid after episode Podtoid 286: Dreams of Island Dictatorship due to his departure from Destructoid.


Conrad is most famous in the Destructoid community for his glorious moustache. It is not yet known what came first, Chicken, Egg or Conrad's Moustache.

Super-Villain Alter-EgoEdit

In December 2012 (Podtoid 233), Conrad became Gotham City's latest super-villain, Arse-Payer-Fuck-Man, who pays people to pretend to be Podtoid Fans so they can force Jonathan Holmes (at gunpoint) to have sex with Jim Sterling in the arse.

The Ghost of Commodore 64Edit

Main Article: Ghost of Commodore 64.

Conrad's continued presence on Podtoid has awakened an evil, malicious microphone ghost (originally a Commodore 64), which continues to interrupt and fuck up the podcast on a weekly basis.

Conrad's relationship to Jonathan Holmes' AnusEdit

After joining the Podtoid crew members, Conrad started to gain an interest towards Jonathan Holmes' Anus . On Podtoid 230: Captain Crack Cocaine and after a growing fascination, Conrad finally proclaimed his pursuit in becoming a scholar of Holmes' Anus. While still considered a novice by Jim Sterling, he has been going up the ranks each Podtoid recorded. Jonathan Holmes feels like he may have a gun.

Aliases/titles for Conrad ZimmermanEdit

  • Conrad Slenderman
  • Conrad Zimmerperson
  • Sorceryarse
  • The Serpant
  • The Tempter
  • Police Chief O'Hara Conrad Zimmerman
  • Lord Conrad of Zimmer Manor
  • Arse-Payer-Fuck-Man
  • Lily Nelson
  • Father of the Undying Flame
  • Fucktape


  • "Oh my God! I knew you were going to go sponge dinosaur!"
  • "Who is hipper than we?"
  • "You call that a scalp? I've seen more hair in a chemo ward!"
  • "Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart."
  • "You make me sick!"
  • "Who has time to get their kids to fuck?"
  • "Let's be honest, there's no defense for testicles."
  • "Deep, firm and tight. Totally occupies the entire space."
  • "Right now, the priesthood are just screwing children. They could expand that. You wanna make sure they just keep it to kids."



Conrad's Twitter