Podtoid - We Should Be Cenobites

Podtoid - We Should Be Cenobites

Cenobites are a group of creatures that the New Podtoid hosts wanted to join.

Jim Sterling presented the idea (Podtoid 201) where the (at the time) trio of Jim (Radical Awesome) Sterling, Jonathan (Twigguns) Holmes, and Hamza (Munkus Burger) Aziz were to be Cenobites from the Hellraiser series of films.  The idea did not go far beyond the concept of self-mutilation.

In Podtoid 253: Flogging Yourself on a Rustic Dildo, a listener asked what mutilations Conrad Zimmerman would have as a cenobite. Jim and Conrad gleefully created a new Cenobite. NOW LET'S FIGHT OVER WHETHER OR NOT IT'S CANON.


Jonathan Holmes as Twigguns: Grid-like incisions to the face, twigs to be shoved into open wounds (held in place with super glue, and cleansed with "healing mouthwash"), black t-shirt, trousers round ankles, genitalia to be accessorised with barbed wire and a chain connecting his penis and tongue.

Hamza Aziz as Munkus Burger: Removal of arms and legs, sewn to the back of a horse (sideways, to allow room for passengers on the "Cenobite Steed"), to be kept outside with the other horses, especially at Christmas.

Jim Sterling as Radical Awesome: Cool shades (so people know he means business) which might cause eye strain later in life, black t-shirt, trousers round ankles, genitalia to be accessorised with barbed wire, chains linking tongue to "each nut", and the words "Fucker Egg" carved into his forehead.

Conrad Zimmerman as Fucktape (this was introduced later in episode 253 in response to a listener's question) Fingers replaced with screwdrivers, head wrapped in duct tape, wears a gingham skirt, knee-high boots, and a blouse with only two buttons buttoned and the bottom tied off, "scary" written on his stomach in lipstick


Upon victory/defeat in any modern boardgame (particularly Jenga) the Podtoid Cenobites would turn up, throw a brick through the window and run off (sometimes on the back of Munkus Burger). If feeling particularly savvy, the trio would break into the house and steal all the Diet Dr Pepper, which Radical Awesome would claim to "...contain half the calories and still be tasty. How do they do that?"

With their newly acquired beverages, the Cenobites would retreat to a quarry to kick rocks, or go to the beach and listen to music. Due to the equestrian nature of Munkus Burger, he would be referred to as a donkey and force fed carrots. It is unknown which of his two oral orafices would receive the carrots.